Southern Charm in a New York Minute

I’ll admit it. Even the most charming, disciplined, and mild-mannered southern belle (or gentleman) can lose sight of their patience when caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday city life. Whether it’s the constant pushing and shoving of massive, late-to-work crowds, or the undeniable crudeness of fellow elevator goers, the lack of manners among congested populations can certainly be temper shortening. Even so, any native or visitor to the South well knows that mama wouldn’t see too kindly to you acting in the same manner. So before you get your feathers in a ruffle, and well before you do something unfavorable, remember that two wrongs don’t make a right. I know, I know. You probably got tired of hearing that phrase after your last family feud debacle back in the sixth grade, but let’s face it. The age old saying is true. Yes, after so many years, and a little growing up, I can happily admit that mama really did know best.

So although it may be unpleasantly easy to push right back, or respond with a less than kind remark, it’s crucial that you refrain from becoming “one of them.” If they want to live miserably, with a miserable attitude, and a miserable outlook on life, so be it. But I’ll be darned if their lack of manners should affect yours. After all, your mama “didn’t raise no fool” (hopefully).

With that in mind, allow me to educate you on how not to lose your southern charm in a New York minute. With the help of Jill Zarin’s (experienced city slicker and star of Real Housewives of New York) “10 rules for NYC Living,” you’ll be well on your way to successful (and polite) city living. Don’t worry rural residents; even if you don’t live in or near a huge metropolis, you’re bound to visit the city sometime. And when that time comes, you’ll now have the guide to help you along the way.

1. First, practice elevator etiquette. I know we’ve all been guilty of frantically pushing the “close door” button when you see that family of twelve screaming children heading your way, followed by one slower-than-molasses grandmother, and two older-than-dirt great grandfathers (bless their hearts), but do your best to abstain from being “that person.” They may not be the supermodel you were hoping to hit the high levels with, but you never know. Their great grandchild may just be that dreamboat you’ve been fantasizing about since you were knee high.

2. Second, don’t be stingy. Yes, penny pinchers, this means you. Although times are a bit tough, I promise you won’t miss a meal if you slip your cab driver an extra buck or two. Who knows, he may drop you off in perfect timing to accidentally collide with that great grandfather from the elevator, who just-so-happens to be with his dreamboat of a great grandson. Did I mention the dreamboat was single?

3. Next, try not to kill the messenger. The bike messenger, that is. Bikes in New York City are like vultures on road kill. They swoop around in circles and strike when you least expect it. So unless you want to collide with that Asian food delivery boy, please, look both ways before opening the door as if you’re a diva on the red carpet. Trust me, that dreamboat standing on the curb will find absolutely nothing attractive about that burnt fried rice in your hair.

4. Although you may feel rather prestigious after surviving the elevator and cab ride downtown, refrain from pulling rank. In other words, don’t flash your business card in an attempt to skip a spot in line. Your endless credentials and unpronounceable title will do nothing but make those behind you secretly plot your dismissal. In this instance, patience is the virtue.

5. Like any good Southerner knows, remember to say, “Please, thank you, “and goodbye.” Especially to that dreamboat who helped you on the curb. Lucky for you, it turns out he thought the fried rice hair do was actually kind of cute. Congratulations, my friend. That southern hospitality may have actually snagged you a lifelong partner in crime. Don’t worry, you can thank me later.

6. And similar to the cab door rule, make sure to stand back from the subway when waiting on the platform. After all, you don’t want to be the messenger who hits the big piece of metal head on. I promise you’ll get the bad end of the deal every time- along with a throbbing headache.

7. Dog lovers, this next one’s for you: always remember to bring a baggie. I’ll be the first to admit that the puppy-on-a-leash trick works on me every single time. Ladies, let’s be honest. Dogs are total chick magnets … as long as they’re properly cleaned up after. Fellas, if you allow your dog to use the potty without the necessary post-cleansing, just imagine what your dreamboat across the park will think of your apartment. I can assure you it won’t be pretty.

8. And of course, watch the bark and the bite. Although it may be tempting to entice the love of your life with your furry friend, be cautious. The absolute last thing you need is for your “man’s best friend” to nibble a bit too hard on your soon-to-be dreamboat. I’m afraid her idea of a first date doesn’t include a trip to the emergency room.

9. Also, walk warily and always keep your eye on the sidewalk. Ladies, this one’s especially for you. We all know you look good in those new pair of stilettos, but I can assure you- you won’t look good when those new pair of stilettos meets the sidewalk grates. That avoidable disaster could end you up with a twisted ankle or even worse – a broken stiletto.

10.  And lastly, thou shalt not steal – a cab, that is. Yes, the golden rule applies to you too, stiletto lady. After all, you wouldn’t want some tourist stealing your cab as you’re stranded in a harsh February blizzard with no stiletto heel, so don’t do it to someone else. At last, once you finally flag a taxi down, be so kind to share. Who knows, this could be the start to your dreamboat’s happy ending.

xoxo, Nikki May

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